Ffolkes,
Another fine night in Paradise, eh? I don’t know if I can stand all this happy, happy…. It was hard, but I think I’ve made the turn successfully…. time will tell. When I awoke this morning at 0245 (that’s A.M.), with (not) happy tears running down my face, I decided that it was time to turn this misplaced but real sorrow I feel into sardonicism, which, though no more productive, is nonetheless more empowering, and more pleasant to experience. I know exactly why I’m up at this hour; having to go to a psychiatrist appointment this morning has been eating at me ever since I found out I had to do so, as a requirement for my disability claim to be processed. The addition of this requirement at this late stage is typically callous, completely unnecessary from a realistic viewpoint, and totally infuriating, as it adds at least another month or two to the whole process, which has dragged on now for almost two years….
I also HATE the way this makes me whine with resentment. I’m a pretty tolerant person, about some things, but I really, really object to being ass-fucked by bureaucracies, just because they can. The case worker who ordered this requirement is a typical bureaucrat, obviously, as his number one response to anything he doesn’t immediately grasp is to slow down and add time to the process, never considering what effect that is having on the person who is seeking assistance. They don’t care; all they are concerned about is “doing the job right”, completing the paperwork, and meeting all the regulations set up by people who have never had to use the system, thus having no clue as to what their regulations do to people….
The only positive note in all of this is that, the longer they stall at awarding me the money THAT IS MINE, the larger the check for back payments will be. Unfortunately, knowing that doesn’t help now to make me feel any better; that money is still “pie in the sky”, until it hits my bank account. And, no matter how large it is, it doesn’t pay me for all the traumatic contortions that I’m being put through, just to obtain money that is mine to begin with…..
Well, it’s now almost 0330, so I should cease my whiny bullshit and try to turn to sardonic, instead of apoplectic, as I was upon awakening, and as I got when writing the above. This may be filling up space, but it isn’t very appealing to me, and probably not to y’all, either. The good news is that all of this angst and drama pulled another poem out of my head, without blood, but definitely with tears….. It’s a bit raw and feels like it could be refined a bit more, but, it’s going out the way it is, just because I don’t feel like fussing with it…. It’s pretty clear as it is….
Since I don’t have anything else to do right now, I guess I’ll go for a dive, look for some oysters with an appropriate pearl or two. It seems like the right thing to do, given the time and the situation….. Shall we Pearl?…..
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“Who, being loved, is poor?” — Oscar Wilde
Hmm…. While I happen to agree with this little gem from Oscar, I’m afraid I’m just not in the correct mood to do it justice…. I’ll have to try again…..
“If we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane.” — Jimmy Buffet
That’s better….. This is a perfect quote for today, since it both points out the problem, and the solution in one lyrical phrase. Jimmy’s good at that kind of turning of a phrase, being an excellent songwriter. Now, if only I could find something, anything, that I found amusing enough to laugh about. At the moment, the only thing that seems to work is letting myself picture the SS caseworker undergoing the pleasures of a stint in deepest HELL! When I envisioned some devilish figure poking him with a pitchfork, I have to admit, I chortled. And when the devil then picked him up with the blade and tossed him into a lake of fire, I guffawed…. and felt much better. Shoulda thought of it a long time ago….
“Baby, after considerable thought I’ve reached the conclusion that the only conceivable legitimate answer to the Universe as constituted is a peal of hysterical laughter.” — Keith Laumer, _Night of Delusions_
Yet more proof of this theorem…. I’ve heard it said all my life that the reason people laugh is so they don’t have to cry, and found it to be absolutely correct. I’ve also heard it said, by those who believe in Him, that if God had wanted us to be sober, He wouldn’t have given us a sense of humor….. While I can’t necessarily agree with the idea of God, I can see what they’re getting at, and agree wholeheartedly. (Hey! Look! Something a Christian and I can agree on!…. Who’d a thunk it?….) I mean, why else would a platypus exist at all?….
“It is ridiculous to suppose that the great head of things, whatever it be, pays any regard to human affairs.” — Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD) — Natural History, Book ii, Sect. 20
This sounds a lot more reasonable than supposing that God is the sort of weak, spineless entity that requires worship and obedience from His creations. I mean, if you’re going to have a God, then why give him all the worst characteristics of a fool? The only people I know of who demand that sort of obeisance are pretty psychopathic, and take medications for their delusions; or, in some cases, elected officials will get this way. I just can’t see an entity who is capable of creating a universe even spending one second worrying about being worshiped; it just doesn’t make any sense at all, and, quite frankly, I can’t understand how anyone in their right mind could ever buy into that idea. Such worship would make me feel uncomfortable, at best, and I just can’t see a God worrying about it overlong…. If such a God were to worry about anything, it would be wondering how He had screwed up in making such idiots in the first place…. and, in figuring out what asshole even gave them the idea….
“A long tradition has regarded low self-esteem as a powerful and dangerous cause of violence. Our review has indicated, however, that it is threatened egotism rather than low self-esteem that leads to violence.” — Case Western Reserve University psychology study as quoted in Thomas C. Palmer, Jr.’s Boston Globe article (3-31-96),” Self-Esteem Self-Threatening?”
Here is a clue, though, as to how it all came to this….. As noted previously, Christianity, as with any other religion, gives its followers a sense of entitlement, and an opinion of their importance all out of proportion to reality. It is this sense of elitism that leads to a lot of the violence in the world, rather than low self-esteem; when one argues with a believer, their anger is immediately brought out as a defense against having to consider any validity in the arguments presented, and they will often resort to violence to try to force their beliefs on the unwilling. In fact, I’d say that 90% or more of all violence between humans is a result of a challenge to the pride one feels in their beliefs, or to the preeminence of their religious mania. Yes, greed enters into this equation, but greed is just another form of that same feeling of entitlement, so it doesn’t alter the facts at all; it supports them…..
The trouble with reality, is that it’s taken much too seriously. — Smart Bee
Smart Bee once again comes through…. it has faithfully supplied the proper quotes for this discussion, and here provides the perfect quote to bring this now over-long treatise to a close. We humans have a talent of screwing things up pretty radically, just because we can; it’s a gift. And then, of course, one must factor in that bloody Irish demi-god, Murphy, whose kind attentions are unwelcome by all. I once saw a pearl that said “God created the world in seven days, and then said, “I’m going on vacation…. Murphy, you’re in charge!”, and I knew…. the Universe is just one big joke, and because of our nature, the joke is on us…. so we may as well learn to laugh, and enjoy it the best we can….
“With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don’t NEED Dan Rather..”– Zippy the Pinhead
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Pieces of broken spirit….
Deep within the inner abyss, tears lay in wait
Ever on the verge, poised always to infuriate.
Real moments of sadness cracking our need
Swift, deadly waves of appalling terror freed.
Memory hurts badly when visiting now
Leaving me alone, forgetting even how
Killing the sunshine still pouring over all
Darkening all spirit, holding it in thrall.
Knowing no blame seems almost to heal
Yet healing is blunted, plainly not real.
Innocence is pointless compared with pain
On the soul it tattoos an indelible stain.
Hours become days, days turn to a year
Serving up only a compendium of fear.
Blind groping for light finds only dark
In caverns of terror, angry and stark.
Trails of endless sorrow fill up the nights
Confounded at last by unfathomable sights.
No hope can find its way to the fore
Never to sail safely, lost forever more.
~~ gigoid
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“I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.” — Mark Twain
Sam makes a deeply insightful point here regarding human nature, and any honest man can apply this to himself. A dishonest man, of course, would never admit to such prevarication. But, the rest of us wouldn’t have any problem coming up with a couple of ways to show this to be true. It seems to be a human trait to color the past with our desire to see it as positive, and I think all of us tend to minimize any problems we had in the past, preferring to think that the bad stuff either didn’t happen, or wasn’t as bad as we thought. I’m pretty certain that this tendency arises from the same part of our nature that will deny the present in order to believe in a more hopeful future, up to and including direct denial of what is staring us in the face….. and that is our fear of the unknown, or rather, our fear of our own inability to deal with that unknown….
People under the influence of fear will do amazing things. We’ve all heard about mothers throwing cars off their trapped children, or men racing into a fire to save a loved one…. even this kind of bravery is motivated by the fear of losing those who we care about, as much as it is by any more elevating purpose, like nobility or integrity. Those can also prompt us to perform extraordinary feats, but I believe the original trigger for those qualities remains our fear. Fear is our strongest and best teacher, even though our least favorite; we always remember the lessons it teaches…..
But, there is another side to fear, and that one is not brave at all. It is the part of us that cringes at what we do not know, the one that shies away from the dark, the side of us that stammers when we meet someone new and imposing, the side of us that retreats from what is real into what is not, to save ourselves from experiencing that fear….. It is also an unfortunate fact that too many people allow this feeling to control not only their reaction to many types of uncertainty, but let it color and control one’s whole outlook on life….. This is the kind of fear that breeds racism, and bigotry, and other such societal plagues, as the people who give in to these fears are in full denial of reality, and, what’s more, refuse to even consider any possibility of learning differently. Their fear could easily be eliminated by knowledge of what they fear, but they generally refuse to even look at whatever evidence may be presented to them…..
So, with this in mind, it becomes clearer how over 57 million people in this country voted for an obviously unqualified and dangerously ignorant candidate, merely because they fear the person he faced as his opponent. This number, to me, is very depressing, because it indicates that we still have a long way to go in our society to root our the basic problems of ignorance, bigotry, racism, and fear….. There is still a huge number of people out there who are in denial of reality, and refuse to look at any possibility of change….
Funny thing is, we know exactly who they are now, because they identified themselves at the polls….. About 92% (that is a guess, but an educated one..) of the people who voted for Romney were white, and while it surprises me not at all, it does make me sad, being white myself, because more of the folks who share my ancestry are part of that ignorant, racist group than makes me comfortable. It also may make others believe that ALL of us Caucasians are like that, which is just too bad, as it just isn’t true. Those fearful cowards are NOT the majority of whites, they are in the minority…. to believe otherwise is to give up all hope of change, and I’m not willing to go there.
Ah well, we did win, so that is something positive to which I can cling. It is just a sad situation to me, to realize that there is still a long road to real equality in this nation, and it won’t be any less bumpy than it has up to now. These people are not going to give up their prejudices easily, and it may be necessary to just continue to educate as many of their children as we can, and wait for the rest of them to die off, taking their fear, their racism, and their deliberate ignorance with them to wherever the soul goes after death…..
“How is a man like the weather? Nothing can be done to change either one of them. “– Smart Bee
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Well, not too bad, considering I’ve been up half the night writing it…. The poem was ripped out of me last night, but most of the rest was written starting this morning before 0300, so I’m quite content to let it go as is…. Besides, now I’m too damn tired to do it over, and I have to get ready for the bloody appointment with the shrink…. Ah me, I’ve done all I can do, and you know the rest….. Y’all take care out there, and May the Metaphorse be with you…..
Sometimes I sits and thinks,
and sometimes
I just sits.
gigoid
Kowabunga!
